Setting boundaries is an essential step in your self-care. Boundaries in definition are limits that you set for yourself that you would not want people to cross. This can be difficult to establish, but absolutely vital to protect your mental health and relationships. First thing to identify is, are you self-aware? Do you speak up for yourself? Do you sacrifice yourself to make others happy? Have a hard time saying “no”? Would you consider yourself a people pleaser? Many may take these actions as someone who is just an extremely nice person, but when your mental health is affected and relationships begin to crumble, it is time to take a step back and really take into consideration balance and identifying the boundary violations that are interfering with your mental health.
How can we maintain the peace but still ensure that we are setting healthy boundaries? Well, it is not easy but crucial to address. It may put some strain on relationships, but if it is not healthy to begin with, do you want to continue with this relationship? When you decide to start addressing these boundary violators, these individuals may perceive you as selfish. There is nothing selfish about being assertive and honoring your limits. This helps to prevent things like burn out and stress.
So, let’s paint the picture, what does burnout look like? Do your needs come last? Do you find yourself with no time for yourself or your interests? Lacking energy? The number one deal breaker is, difficulty saying “no”!!! One thing that I have struggled with is being assertive. I have come a long way! But I can say that I have definitely been all these things and even now as a mom of two and spouse and adding all the stuff that I just keep piling up on my plate is absolutely NOT healthy to not voice boundaries.
Working on self-worth and valuing yourself also correlates with boundary setting. It IS about you and once you start putting yourself, your wants and the don’t wants first and voiced then you will avoid unnecessary stress.
There are different types of boundaries; physical, emotional, time, relationship, intellectual, and material. The point of this post, is that YOU are entitled to your space (physical), your feelings (emotional), your vacations/mental health days (time), and thoughts (intellectual). You can be aware of the boundaries that you wish to have but, are you setting them? Yes, I can see why it may be difficult and I have been there myself. From my experience, I can say it can be cultural in some cases (I am Cuban-American), and most of the time boundary lines can be crossed in some aspects of my life, but I have learned that thing called being assertive and it truly does help. You don’t need to be rude about it, but not letting your voice be dimmed is key.
I leave you with this: Know your limits, be assertive, keep practicing boundary setting, if you at any point find that those lines get crossed again, voice your limits and if that is not working out, and you find yourself being affected negatively, then it is ok to let that person go. Sometimes you need to eliminate those things or individuals that are just not good for you.
Please take into consideration the importance of your mental health, just as you would your physical health. I choose my topics as they resonate with me and my own journey of self-worth and values. This “work” is on going, and we need to prioritize ourselves and try not to lose sight of being mentally and emotionally healthy. My ultimate goal is to end the stigma against mental health. Although I add supporting information to my topics, I want to say that this is not therapy. If you find that you need to speak to a professional, please do so. There are many resources available in the community and if there is ever a topic that you would like for me to share on, please don’t hesitate to reach out. #mentalhealthmatters
